I have a problem. No, it is not that I don't understand physics very well; it is not that I can't really afford to spend time and money at my favorite West Bank stores; it is this: I am afraid.
Maybe not afraid. Reserved? Hesitant? On-egg-shells? Kind of all these things. Let me tell you something about my house life lately. In my Jesus-House life.
A reprisal: I live with ten college-age women, most of whom are in CRU, Campus Crusade for Christ, an outreach group that actively recruits and shares the word of the Lord. Every Sunday morning, everybody leaves for Church. Every Sunday evening there is Bible Study in the living room. Every Thursday night, the housemates are gone for CRU meetings. In those times, I am studying why the Earth is 4.6+ billion years old, honoring the lives of spiders through catch and release, and eating tofu. Oh, and not believing in Christ.
Okay, so my problem is essentially that without naming names (because I won't incriminate my housemates by identifying them or saying too many things about any one in particular), I'm on my watch for a particular housemate who I feel may want to infringe upon my rights. In short, she is my polar opposite when it comes to our belief systems, political, social, and religious. From this description, and depending on how well you know me, you will see just how extreme this dichotomy is. She is listed as 'very conservative' on facebook. Her music preferences range from Toby Keith to Martina McBride. Her number one interest: 'GOD'. Through some discussion I've discovered that this MN Daily article is really saying that abortion education is required for all med students no matter what. She has a license to carry a handgun and keeps a pistol in her bedroom. Again, if you know anything about me, you will see just how curious this situation is for yours truly.
I concede that this person's personality and interests are not the cause of my difficult situation. It is this information I gleaned from a conversation I had with another housemate with whom I get along well. I asked if she was in CRU and she said she wasn't (cool) and she asked if I was and I lowered my voice (since Bible study was still in play) and said I don't believe in God. She reacted well and told me that she completely respects that belief, but that I'd be better off keeping that information to myself or there will be efforts from some to convert me. And now I am faced with the problem - should I be hesitant to declare my set of beliefs when asked? Should I be afraid of my housemates creating a dissonant situation for me...or me creating a dissonant situation for them? In the three weeks of co-habitation, only two or three people have been informed of my leanings, but anybody who has been in my room can see that there are no less than eight Buddhas decorating my space, as well as dinosaur images, a SHADE poster, Tibetan prayer flags, and a subtle but important lack of a couple books which I've seen in other rooms: The Purpose Driven Life and The Bible, while other books such as Harry Potter and Siddhartha are prominently featured.
I live without God everyday and feel happy and in-the-moment and in control of my life. Why should I silence that? Why should I be afraid or concerned with the opinions of others? I'm not paying to be these people's friend, I'm paying to live in a room in a house which coincidentally has ten other Christian women in it, each of whom I admire for pursuing a path I was unable/unwilling to pursue. I knew about the general religion of the house before I agreed to live here, but doesn't it say something about my own tolerance that I didn't say 'No' just because of religion? I'm seeing this year as a growing opportunity and maybe they can see it that way too.
What are your thoughts?
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On Friday nights you should have a Baha'i pasta night, or maybe a Harry Potter book club? Or you just need to stay in the figurative closet with your faith, or lack thereof. What about a Stephen Hawking/Richard Dawkins appreciation society? Either you rub in their face the hypocrisy of forcing their faith onto you OR you should probably just keep quiet about what you think, and learn to live with them.
ReplyDeleteUnless you want to be, "Shh, don't tell the Christians," you might not want to be Facebook friends with them and post a link to your blog.
I believe I can be friends with whom I please. I believe I can tell who I want what I want and how I want to tell them is up to me and if it happens that my housemates read this blog then that is fine because this is probably a way that I subconsciously decided to tell them everything I want to tell them which is precisely that I do not believe in God and I have my reasons. I understand and appreciate their belief in God and respect it to the utmost because it is something that motivates them and drives their lives and that is beautiful. I only want respect for what it is that I believe. Nobody has forced their faith on me and I have not made it a point to be secretive. We don't need to broadcast to each other or have yelling matches over the mismatches in our faiths because then we won't hear each other.
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